As I was going through my scabies / kidney stone episode – of which I’m still not sure either are over with – I suffered some mental distress. Therapy was one outlet but only offered temporary relief. As it happens, I was gifted “Solve for happy”, written by Mo Gawdat. Gawdat used to be an employee at Google and was in the midst of trying to approach happiness in a mathematical way, when tragedy struck. He lost his son, who was only 21 at the time. Through the lens of this event, he takes us on a mathematical journey to true happiness. My completely non-mathematical take on this journey can be found below.
The book starts off with a premise. This premise is as follows: happiness consists of a number of illusions, blind spots and absolute truths. It’s import to remember this, as all these components ultimately form the “formula” for happiness. True happiness, I should say.
Illusions
The book starts off from the negative side; what is preventing you from being happy? Mostly this feeling of unhappiness is brought on by a number of illusions, and there’s six of them in total.
Time
Time is a construct and there is no absolute in this. Einsteins theory of relativity “proves” this; time is always relative. Something can be fast for you but slow for another. Time travels slower near a black hole for the observer. And so on. The main take-away about this illusion is that there is only now. Thoughts are often embedded in the past (why did I do this, why did I not get that, and so on) of the future (am I going to be able to pay for my mortgage, will I keep my hair, and so on). Another thing is that time does not move by itself: we move through time. This seems like a simple concept to grasp, but to me it was a valuable insight nonetheless.
Thoughts
- Thoughts can create pain from suffering
- Better to think no thoughts, better thoughts or good thoughts
- You are not your thoughts, you merely observe them
- So do observe them; look at like drama or a TV show
Self
- You are not what you have, earned, or possess, including your body
- You are what you were when you were born, enjoying and experiencing everything in the moment it happens
- You are not the star of your movie; life consists of billions of movies intertwining with each other. In some you’re the main character, in others the side character or perhaps you’re not even in there at all
Knowledge
- Knowing is also knowing what you don’t know. Keep the mind open and accept that no knowledge is truly set in stone. That includes the knowledge this book provides.
- Know that to get the sweet, you have the experience the sour as well. There is no knowing the one without knowing the other.
- The difference between what is “objectively” good and bad, or good and evil, is inherently brought on by thoughts, which are an illusion in and of itself.
Control
- Think of the outcome to something being brought on by as small as the flapping of a butterfly’s wings. It can produce a million results. The outcome can be seen as a black swan; a bad thing that cannot be avoided. One flapping of a butterfly’s wing can lead to a black swan. For instance, you oversleeping can lead to you catching the next bus ride which crashes into another bus. The two seemingly have nothing to do with each other but in the end, they do.
- Therefore, there is no real control. That is not to say we should not try our best or do nothing at all; all we can do is try our best within the parameters we have. After that, let it go.
- Attitude is key in this; worrying about the outcome is never ever going to change the outcome.
Fear
- Admit that you are afraid; everyone is afraid of something. This is due to evolution and what fair entails.
- Understand what fear is; a remnant from ancient times – always assuming the worst – to protect primordial man from predators and other dangers.
- Name your fear.
- Understand the mind games fear plays on you – remember, it is designed to keep you out of dangerous situations. Seldomly do fears come true.
- Make a pledge to face your fear.
- Take the plunge and do it.
There are 7 questions one can ask themselves when dealing with fear.
- What’s the worst case scenario?
- What are the odds of this scenario actually happening?
- So what if it does happen?
- Can I reverse the effects?
- Can I prevent the situation?
- What happens if I do nothing?
- What is the best case scenario?
Blind Spots
In addition to illusions, there are a number of blind spots in our brain that prevent us from being truly happy.
- Filters. We tend to filter things through our own experiences and stop looking at the facts.
- Assumptions. Based on these filters we make assumptions; these are nothing more than what we think might happen.
- Predictions. Usually we tend to be negative in making predictions to protect ourselves. Predictions are nothing more than stories that could happen.
- Memories. These are always clouded by emotions. Because something – usually bad – happened, we assume it will happen again.
- Judgement. We tend to judge situations based on what we have experienced before.
- Emotions. We tend to say things like “I think” or “I feel” rather than “There is”.
- Exaggerations. In conjunction with the other blind spots, we tend to make things larger than they really are.
Absolute truths
In moving from being unhappy (Illusions) to happy (blind spots) we get to deep happiness. To understand this we need to embrace a number of absolute truths.
Now
- You can only “be” or “do”, not both at the same time. The key is to be conscious of everything you do and do not try to multitask
- information is there to receive, observe, be conscious of, connect to, or reject
Love
- Love yourself
- Love everything and everyone
- Be friendly
- Real live is unconditional and is just “there”
Change
- Change is inevitable
- It is not a stable condition but rather a pendulum that swings
- It is crucial to find a balance, a yin to a Yang in everything
- Take the path of least resistance when change occurs
Death
- Five myths about death; it happens in one day rather than being a process, it hurts, it can be fooled, it is the enemy and it is always unwelcome
- The long life continuum tells us that something cannot exist without being observed, therefore life came before matter. All time has always existed and so we will always exist.
- What happens after death is that we do not die but our physical embodiment does.
- Lessons from death; life is now, life is for rent, death is inevitable.
- Death and life can be seen as a game, advancing to the next (inevitable) unknowable level. Just as the level before being born is unknown.
Grand Design
Whether everything was designed or just coincidentally came to be is a mathematical problem.
End verdict: this turned out to be more of a summary than anything else but this will help you grasp what the book is all about. For me it was a practical way of looking at things, especially living in the “now” and what that entails. 8/10, comes recommended.